I haven't written for months. Because nothing has happened. Because it would be the same stuff again and again. I now feel exhausted. Two years of trying to do nice things and get some stuff going but almost nothing came of it. My head is a bit like this at the moment: 0 1) The exhibition I was part of in Maag Halle was terrible. No one cared about my work, no one asked questions, no press, no reviews... The highlight was when they announced my name as a participant I was so embarrassed everyone heard me saying 'sighs shte' (shit) under my breath. It was terrible. 2) My bachelor exhibition in the Kunstverein in Zurich was pretty good though. So that balances it out a bit. But it's over now. And I'm not happy with how much work I put into it and now how it's over before I even managed to get something out of it. 3) The residency didn't happen because of Covid (again). Sometimes I'm happy about it because we'd probably had a shit time there without being able to show anything and after Helsinki it would have been too stressful for me. But other times I'm frustrated because I could have spent the time working on the next project and didn't get that done.. 4) Pushed a lot for the residency in Lismore being amazing but sadly all those promises didn't materialise so far (I'll push still maybe that can be changed). The only thing that worked out so far is me getting an invitation to give a talk later in October for which I'm very grateful) But i'm feeling exhausted anyway and tired of trying to get anything done on my own as well as frustrated with the rest of the world which seems to think that my art practice isn't an actual job or doesn't take it seriously enough for any money to be involved in order to make the job sustainable. And this is frustrating me even more because it's very much what I've wanted ever since I remember myself: Trying to get something going as an artist! And everything is just difficult and takes ages and then you don't even make any money with what you make anyways.. Sometimes I wonder why anyone else manages this shit and still wants to do it themselves?