I miss London a little bit. At the same time I'm glad to be far away from it. I'm currently writing my thesis proposal and it's very difficult because I want to do exactly what I want to do and in order for that to happen, I need to create a situation where I can do exactly that. At the same. time, I'm so scared that I'm doing it wrong. My supervisors are giving me lots of freedom, which is great. But at the same time I want to do this, but I don't want to annoy them with my endless requests. I already sent them the proposal and I'm waiting for their feedback. The goal is to finish the proposal until the end of next week and give it to my super- visors to read on Monday. On Monday I'll meet with them to discuss the proposal. I'm a little scared because I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain everything. So I want to make sure they're on board with everything. My job at the moment is to write and no more. I want to make sure to have the content ready so that I can start with my programming in February. I need to leave space for surprises.

So I'm gonna go back to Zurich soon. Still deciding if I'm gonna go to the studio to work in the evenings or if I'm gonna do my homework on Fridays.

I'm thinking about the kiss a lot. I'm wondering if I should talk to him. Mainly because I'm having a hard time deciding if I should invite him to my flatwarming party or not. Also because I don't want it to be awkward between us and he's now on holiday with his girlfriend. sister and parents, so it's just really easy for him not to deal with it right now. I've been horny all week so that didn't really help me get over it either. and now.. 14:45 basel, Klingentalgraben Aaah the joy of being sick! Was at uni this morning but I was feeling so bad that I decided to go home at lunch time It's just a cold and nothing to worry about but still So I'll have to make sure to stay in bed tomorrow as Well. Also found out today that my advisor for my thesis was tested positive yesterday. So chances are that our meeting will be cancelled and that everything will be postponed, which puts quite some stress on me at the moment One month into the project and already feeling like this!

Sami and Julie have been invited to a friend's birthday in Zurich on Saturday. They asked me if I wanted to come, too. And I'm thinking of saying yes. Because I want to see him. I want to see him again. I want to see his face. I want to know what he's thinking when he looks at me. I want to know if there is still the same attraction I felt. I've been thinking a lot about the situation with the kiss. I really really really really really really really really don't want him to think that I was repulsed by the kiss. I feel like such a weirdo. I did say no, after all. And I feel like such a weirdo because I don't want anyone else to know that I fancy him. I feel like such a weirdo for feeling so inexperienced and not knowing how to kiss and all that. I want to be normal. I want to be like every one else. But I guess I'm not. And I wonder how he thinks of me. I wonder if he thinks I'm weird. I wonder if he is a little scared of me like some of my other friends. I wonder if he thinks im asexual like Martin. I wonder if he thinks im not interested because of the kissing. A I wonder so much. I guess I'll find out soon. And I'll have a talk with Martin about the kiss. Because I'm annoyed with myself. And I'm annoyed with myself for feeling sexy when I'm on the phone with Martin. I'm annoyed with myself for liking that way too much.